Parenting Is Messy

Parenting is messy, because life is messy. There is nothing more amusing than watching the havoc a two year old can wreak on an organized parent’s schedule. Good parenting requires the ability to be flexible. Children don’t always do what you expect them to, when you expect them to do it. You never know when you will have to call on plan B because your daughter got the chicken pox or your son fell into a mud puddle on the way to the school bus stop.

They key to parenting successfully, is to learn to go with the flow. This doesn’t mean that you can’t give your children a schedule or stick to a bedtime routine, but it does mean being willing to bend rather than break when life throws you a curve. Flexibility in parenting is about learning how to pick your battles and set your priorities straight.

Parenting Is Not The Same For Every Child

Good parents know that every child is different. It is impossible to expect a child to live up to your time table, yet many parenting articles and websites insist that your baby will walk by a certain age, talk by a certain date, and grow in the same pattern as every other child on earth. While there are guidelines that can help you know what milestones your child should reach by a certain age, never compare your child to the neighbor’s kid. Just because the neighbor boy can count to 60 at age three and your child can count to three doesn’t mean that your child is behind. Some children are just more gifted at certain things and chances are your child is ahead of the neighbor boy in a different developmental trait.

Even in families, no two children are alike. Many parents are surprised to find that their children have such different and diverse interests and personalities, despite being raised in the same family. The basic fact is that every child is different and how you deal with each child even in the same family will often be different as well.

Good parenting skills help you to realize that there are no generic answers to parenting questions. While you may find great advice from experts, friends, and family, you need to make that advice your own so that it will work for your individual situation.

Casual Parenting Styles

People that embrace casual parenting styles tend to be more go with the flow kind of people. Casual parenting is more about letting the family revolve around the child. In this style, the child is given a lot of freedom to make decisions in his or her life. This freedom can start from the moment that the baby comes home from the hospital if the child is demand fed or allowed to sleep and wake on a self set schedule.

This style also tends to embrace things like the family bed and sling wearing, which allows the child to stay constantly with the mother. Casual parenting lets children mature at their own pace and tends to allow kids to have a lot more control of what happens in their day to day life.

Scheduled Parenting Styles

Parents that practice a more scheduled way of raising their children tend to be people that feel the child has joined into their existing family and therefore must adapt to the way the family chooses to do things. Scheduled parenting includes having a regimented sleep and feeding schedule, keeping a regular bedtime and giving the child choices within limits set by the parents.

This style tends to embrace methods such as cry it out and timely feedings as opposed to feeding on demand. Scheduled parenting tends to manage a child’s time, limiting the amount of choice that a child has until he or she is old enough to fully understand how to make good decisions.

Which Of The Two Parenting Styles Is Best For You?

Many parents find that they naturally adapt their parenting style to their personality. Some may find that they draw from both ends of the spectrum when it comes to deciding how to raise their child. They may take a more casual approach to sleep issues but a more schedule approach to feeding.

When it comes to deciding what type of parenting style you are most comfortable with, you need to remember that only you can decide which style is right for your children. Neither of these parenting styles are the best overall, but one of them is best for your family. It is up to you to discover which one that is.

Some days you will even find that the parenting advice you receive in the morning will be in direct conflict with the parenting advice you get that very same afternoon. How do you weed through the flood of parenting advice that comes your way? Learn how to weed through the good and the bad and figure out what is best for you by following these simple tips.

Understand That All Children Are Different

While many people will have tons of parenting advice based on their own parenting experiences to give you, it is important to remember there is no other child in the world like your little one. What worked for one child just may not work for yours, simply because your child has a unique temperament and personality.

Don’t beat yourself up because you followed to the letter, your sister’s potty training plan, yet find your three year old still needs pull-ups. Just because your niece was potty trained by two in a half doesn’t mean that your own child should be. Children develop at their very own pace and need to be dealt with according to that pace.

Understand That All Parents Are Different

Your personality is as unique as your child’s, so trying to take the parenting advice of someone with a completely different temperament than yourself, rarely works. If you are a very structured person, you will have trouble taking your carefree and unorganized friend’s parenting advice because most likely it just wouldn’t fit your personality style. The key is understanding that everyone has different parenting styles and you probably shouldn’t take advice from people that don’t sync with the style you are most comfortable with.

Understand That Ultimately You Are Your Child’s Parent

At the end of the day, you are the one that tucks your child into bed. All of the parenting advice is just that, advice. You don’t have to follow any of it. You are the parent of your child and you have to make the decisions on how you plan to parent that child. No matter how overbearing your friends or even your mother-in-law is, the final decision on how to raise your child belongs to you. So take parenting advice with a grain of sand. Weigh it thoughtfully and use what works for you.

Parenting Tip Number One: You Will Make Mistakes

Face it, there are no perfect parents. You will make mistakes and amazingly your child will survive your mistakes. There will be days when you say the wrong things and even make the wrong decisions. Understanding that you will make a few mistakes, gives you permission to relax and not worry so much about your parenting style or strategy.

Understanding that mistakes are inevitable doesn’t give you the freedom to throw safety to the wind. Holding your child in your lap instead of placing them in a car seat isn’t a mistake. It is a dangerous and illegal action that could take your child’s life. A mistake is letting your ten month old play with the remote control to your TV and then spending the next three months trying to reprogram it so you can hear your shows in English once more.

Parenting Tip Number Two: You Are First And Foremost A Parent

Sure, you want your child to like you, but the harsh reality is that you are your child’s parent, not their friend. You have the responsibility of keeping them safe and raising them to be responsible members of society. Sometimes you have to be the bad guy. It isn’t fun to be the one to say no or to let a child reap the consequences of their actions, but good parents knows that being a parent means loving your child enough to say no when you have to.

This doesn’t mean you can’t play with your children or have a relationship that is open, honest, and fun. Good parents know how to balance playing with their children without ever giving up their parental authority. Never let your child talk to you, even in play in a way that is disrespectful or rude. It makes it too confusing for a child when their parent constantly switches from friend to parent mode and back again.

There may be days when your child doesn’t like you very much, but there will come a day when they love your for raising them with the ability to know right from wrong. There may even come a day when they have kids of their own, that they actually appreciate you!

Parenting Tip Number Three: Tell Your Children You Love Them Everyday

Don’t let a day go by without telling your children that you love them. Childhood passes in an instant and the opportunity to tuck them into bed and shower them with hugs and kisses is fleeting at best. Tell your children that you love them each and every day and they will take that knowledge into their adult years.

You Are A Parent

Sometimes in the world of single parenting, the emphasis is on the single more than on the parenting. It is very easy to feel lonely when you don’t have a partner to share an adult conversation or a romantic relationship with. It is very easy for that loneliness to cause you to make poor dating decisions that affect your children’s lives.

Your children need to come first in your life. That doesn’t mean that you can’t date, but it does mean that you need to be very choosy when it comes to picking dates. Don’t date a person, even for fun, that you wouldn’t potentially want to be involved with your kids. That means that if someone is involved in a lifestyle that comes with baggage such as debt, drugs, alcohol, or even an opposing religious belief system, you can’t afford to introduce that person to your kids.

When you do find someone that you are interested in dating, make sure you are slow to introduce that person to your kids. If you introduce your children on the first date and then decide you don’t want to date that person again, you could be confusing your children. It is hard for kids to have a constant stream of adult figures in and then out of their lives, so make sure that you have a solid foundation with someone before you introduce them to your children.

Build A Support Network

Single parenting means that you don’t have a partner to lean on. You have to take care of your children, discipline them, support them financially, be their confidant, shoulder to cry on, and maid. You don’t get a break and you don’t get to tag team parent. To be successful at single parenting, it is vital that you build a support network. Find people to trade babysitting with. Have backups for babysitting in case one sitter’s plans fall through. Enlist family members to participate in activities with your kids. Grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles can all coach teams, help plan birthday parties, or even help with homework.

It is also important to build a support network of other adults that understand the challenges of single parenting. Having other adults to talk to can give you the help you need to get through the rough times.

Developing Parenting Skills And Styles

Your parenting style will shape your relationship with your kid. There are really no hard and fast rules when it comes to the best parenting styles so it is up to you to choose what parenting style fits you well. If you believe that the parenting style that your own parents used to raise you is something that is worth emulating, by all means, follow their examples. On the other hand, if you think that the parenting skills of your own parents are wanting, and then it might be a good idea to develop your own parenting skills and style. To help you develop your parenting skills and style, read books and talk to other parents. Talking and sharing your experiences with other parents is very beneficial so do not hesitate to talk about parenting with other parents whenever you have the chance to do so.

Another way for you to develop your parenting skills is to join some online community information exchange websites. There are a number of online communities for parents that are offering tips and pointers on how to develop parenting skills. Most of these sites also offer forums where you can ask questions about parenting and interact with other parents.

Communicating With Your Children

One of the most important parenting skills that you need to develop is communication. Many experts agree that communication is the key to understanding and getting along well with your kid. Start developing your parenting skills while your child is still very young. Practice open communication with your child right from the very beginning. Do not wait until the time when he is all grown up before you start. Being close to your child can really help you a lot when it comes threshing out issues between you in the future.

Foster parenting may be a difficult task but if you really want to make a difference to in a child’s life it is worth the trouble. There are so many kids that need and deserve a stable, loving home to live in. To help your foster kids adjust better, it would be a good idea for you to read some books about foster parenting and learn something about how you should handle difficult situations with your foster kids. You may also enroll in one of the many foster parenting classes being offered at the local colleges and state agencies.

Bonding With Your Foster Kids

Living with your foster kids does not have to be very stressful. The best way to break the ice between you and your foster children is to communicate with them. If your foster children are still very young, you may have greater success in the areas of foster parenting. According to experts, younger children are more open to changes compared to older children. Furthermore, very young children are easier to handle compared to older children especially teenagers. The best way for you to win over your foster kids is to spend some time with them and let them feel that you really care about them. Simple things like taking them out to the park and playing with them often will help you get close to them.

Where foster parenting small children is relatively easy, foster parenting teenagers can be very difficult. Most teenagers are rebellious so you need to take extra care when dealing with them. Learn more about your teenage foster kid before you attempt to bond with him. Be very patient when dealing with your teenage foster kid. When deciding to take in a teenager take into consideration the health and safety of any children already in your home. Normal teenagers in normal circumstances are difficult to parent. Add emotional problems and it becomes even more challenging.

In any case special care must be taken by foster parents to meet the special needs a foster child might have. It may take special training to foster parent a child that has been neglected or abused.

Choosing The Right Classes

There are many types of parenting classes being offered by different organizations all over the country. To help you decide which type of parenting classes will help you deal with your kids, you need to assess your situation first and then take a close look into the modules offered in these parenting classes. When assessing your present parenting needs, you need to take a closer look into your relationship with your children. Make no mistakes about it, parenting classes are not only for parents who are having problems with their kids. Moreover, parenting classes are not for those who have been labeled as bad parents. Always remember that having disagreements with your kids every now and then does not mean that you are a bad parent. Arguments are normal between parents and their children so do not be depressed if you and your kids disagree on a lot of things.

Choosing the right parenting classes is very crucial. Focus on your needs when choosing parenting classes. For instance, if you are having a lot of problems when it comes to dealing with your teenagers, it would be best for you to enroll in one of those parenting classes that deal with communication and conflict management. Learning the art of communication and negotiations is very important when dealing with teenagers. Note that saying no to your teenagers will only incite them to do something that is really against your wishes so you need to find a way to deal with the situation without causing too much friction between you and your kid.

Is surrogate parenting really morally wrong? Technically, surrogate parenting is not right or wrong. Note that surrogate parenting is mentioned in the Old Testament of the Holy Bible when Sarah, the wife of Abraham offered Hagar, her handmaiden, to her husband to carry his son. Hagar bore the son of Abraham on behalf of Sarah. There was really no mention at that time as to whether or not the act of Sarah in offering Hagar to her husband to bear his child was considered wrong although Sarah later drove Hagar into the wilderness out of jealousy. According to those who adhere to the idea of surrogate parenthood, what makes surrogate parenting wrong is not the act of carrying the child of another but rather the motivations behind the idea of carrying the child of another person.

Modern Time Surrogate Parenting

The advancement of science makes it possible for a woman to be the biological mother of a baby without actually carrying the child in her womb. Indeed, surrogate parenting has come a long way from the time of Sarah and Hagar. There are now a lot of surrogate mothers who offer their bodies as hosts to babies for a fee. These women can be easily found through a donor clinic or any other organization that promotes surrogacy. The average pay for women who act as surrogate mothers range from $10,000.00 - $100,000.00 depending on her health and the embryo that she will carry in her womb.

Is the act of asking for a fee to carry the embryo of another in your womb moral? A lot of people think that the idea of carrying a baby in your womb for a fee is immoral. However, since there is no law that prohibits women from becoming surrogate mothers, no one can really prevent a woman from using her body as a baby making machine.

Positive Parenting During The Early Years

Positive parenting and positive guidance can make a lot of difference in the life of your child especially during the early years. According to experts, children are molded by the experiences that they have when they are very young. If you teach your child to look at life in a more positive way early on, you can help mold your child to grow up into a person with a positive attitude towards life. Furthermore, dealing with your child in a positive way will make your child feel valued as a person. Note that if your child knows that he or she is valued as a person, he or she will grow more confident in him/herself.

Teaching your child about social responsibility through positive parenting will help make your child more cooperative with others. According to experts, treating a child with respect will help teach that child the value of respecting others. Furthermore, teaching your child social responsibility through positive parenting will help your child take responsibilities for his or her actions and avoid blaming others for mistakes that he or she committed.

Dealing With Misbehavior In A Positive Way

Dealing with a misbehaving child is often very challenging and stressful for parents. However, if you keep a positive attitude about things and deal with your misbehaving child in a positive way, you can turn a negative experience into a valuable learning experience for your child. For instance, if your misbehaving child caused some destruction of property, do not shout at the child and berate him or her for misbehaving. Instead of scolding your child for misbehaving, you should talk to your child calmly and ask him what happened. Let him explain to you why he acted the way he did. According to the principles of positive parenting, you should not blame your child for misbehaving but rather guide the child and help him or her realize why his or her actions were wrong and how he can make things right.